This year I’m hoping to continue doing the good I’ve been doing for my own life and working on myself as much as possible.
I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I definitely love to set my intentions and then re-evaluate them every now and then to make sure I am staying on track.
There are a few things I think I did right in 2022: I saved money, I worked hard, I rested a lot, I partied, I ate good food, I worked out sometimes. But of course, there are also a few things I think I need to leave behind as I enter this new season.
I’d like to be kinder to myself, more open to change, patient, present, humble, better at communicating, more forgiving and not afraid to push past my self-imposed limitations.
The older I get, the more sure I become of myself and what I want to achieve in the limited time I have on earth, and I’m starting to understand the role I have in this reality.
I want to see the world, make tons of money, fall in love and create art that is meaningful, impactful and eternal, among other things, but I don’t want to go crazy trying to do it all.
I want to work hard and I want to rest, I want to go back to school and I want to explore other passions of mine, and I want to contribute meaningfully to the world.
Another part of living a more positive and balanced life is improving the relationship I have with my mental health and my body.
For some reason, I am constantly caught in this weird in-between space where I am absolutely in love with myself and utterly frustrated with not being beautiful enough or intelligent enough or whatever metric of measurement I’m using to torture myself with at the time.
So, I’m trying to counter that by taking a step back and choosing not to over-
analyse every little thing.
Right now, food has me in a tight grip. My relationship with eating and dieting has never been stable, but I promise you, I’m working on it. I’m learning that sometimes it’s not that deep.
It really isn’t easy, though. I’ve realised that being alive is so much work. It requires so much of me at a time when I’m tired of everything I’ve ever known.
The greatest gift I’m giving myself this year is moving to a new environment, switching my schedule up and meeting new people. I’ve never been one to run away from my problems but I think right now it will do me a world of good to step outside of my regular programming and experience something new and magical.
Maybe it is just the thing I need to fix my chronic brain fog, unending sleepiness, excruciating boredom, nearly crippling introversion and deep, deep desperation to do something fun and interesting.
Like I said, I am actually doing really well and I just want to find ways in which I can continue on that path. I like to think of myself as a piece of art that will never be completed. I will constantly be exploring myself and I will always be trying to change, mould and adapt.
But, honestly, I don’t think there is some magical perfect ending that I’m going to find. I think loving myself fully will come with fully accepting myself for who I am on the inside, and understanding that I am not valuable only because of what I can do or how I look.
I have value because I am me. This is what I’m trying to figure out in 2023, reaching forward to the future while loving and appreciating myself, looking back without regret and sorrow, and living in the moment every single chance I get.
I hope what I have written down here makes some semblance of sense to you. I hate to set very specific goals each year because the pressure to fulfil them always gets to me long before I’m able to make any significant impact. I do not respond well to crazy plans and schedules, but I like to gently steer myself on the river, allowing the current to dictate the motion of the boat while still keeping my mind on the larger journey that life is.
It might sound strange, but it works for me. Somehow, weirdly, I can say that I am truly happy. I am at a point in my life where I am genuinely content and satisfied, and so massively grateful for all that I have, and all that I am. I can’t wait to see me grow.
– Anne Hambuda is a poet, writer and social commentator from
Windhoek. Follow her online or email her at [email protected] for more.